Out with the Old

Another Christmas spent away, we were upgraded to a suite and there was a Christmas tree to put our presents under. We went to midnight mass at the Cathedral and said prayers. OH grumbled at the intensity and length of the sermon and fidgeted in his seat. A stocking with treats hung on the door handle when we got back to the room. All those years hosting the family and I’d been missing out on being able to put my feet up and actually enjoy Christmas without all the pressure of making sure we had the perfect meal, the perfect gifts.

I’d started a new job – the bully boss had swung the axe and I’d been glad to fall although sad to lose my support network. Our friends had a baby and the new PPU cleared it for them to come to the house without involving SS. OH had done his community service, enjoyed it and was welcome back anytime at the venue without having to commit a crime first! It felt like we were finally moving forward yet that fence was still there.

It’s only a damn fence OH would say, just let it lie, no, it’s principle I would argue. Petty, yes, but after having no control over my life for so long, I wanted to feel secure in my home, take away the power of those who wanted to drive us out of it.

The PPU who cleared for my friends to visit was an angel but alas only temporarily assigned to us. However in that one meeting she did more for us than any other has and for that I will always be grateful. She gave me back my sense of worth, my sense of security and made me realise that actually I shouldn’t just accept what people threw at me. I had done nothing wrong. She gave me some strong advice on the fence situation, her colleague told me what a lovely house I had. I could have cried with relief that they had seen me for who I am and what my needs were.

My friend said she were really complimentary about me when they spoke, I was switched on to what we needed to do to comply.

I took the bull by the horns, I arranged some time off work and made sure OH was on shift that day and didn’t tell him what I was planning. I rang the police and explained my situation, a different sergeant, she was shocked when I said my partner was a registered sex offender. She agreed to help, provide uniformed presence while I removed the fence to make sure there was no breach of the peace. I bought an electric saw, had no idea what I was doing with it. Two officers arrived in a marked car and parked across the bottom of our driveways. With my heart pounding I tackled the encroaching fence, retaining the parts I removed. More sound advice from the attending officers. Not a murmur from next door..

Their CCTV camera soon moved to cover our driveway, our comings and goings setting the sensor light off. They were watching us. I reported it to the police.

An hour long conversation with the local bobby. They had rang and said OH had removed the fence to get to their children, yet more lies - the police had been in attendance! I explained my rationale, I’d followed the law and had been supported by the police so what was the issue. They were trespassing, they were making false allegations and harassing me, not the other way round. Their camera was checked, no footage apparently but it did get moved – funny that. They wanted to press for me to be charged for criminal damage and theft of their property. They told the police that they were going to trespass on our property again and reinstate the fence – all to protect their children from an imaginary threat when the only threat was their own actions and their own mindset. The officer forwarded me her email, the venom dripping from her words, how she despised that the the police had supported me with removing the fence. I was to return their property in undamaged condition by a deadline.

So I did, kind of. In all these years I have held my temper with everything we’ve gone through but something snapped in me that day. I smashed the wood up, scribbled ‘trespassers’ in black marker on it, bagged it up and chucked the lot over the fence. It landed with a satisfying clatter. Oh and I missed the deadline.

The fence wasn’t reinstalled, their house went up for sale but it hasn’t sold yet.

The harassment continued in the form of loud music in the garden so we danced in the middle of the lawn, singing along to the songs, playing air guitar. The music is now mainly piano/lounge music that we can't sing or do air guitars to. It's like being on hold to a call centre when they are in the garden now.

We still have friends round for BBQ’s and drinks. They watch fireworks with us on bonfire night, join us for drinks and board games at New Year. A quieter life than the one we had before. My friends mum told me at the beginning of all this ‘indifference is a killer’ Just ignore them and that will wind them up more than any retaliation. Advice I’ve mainly stuck to (bar fence wars and air guitars)

OH has had his last probation meeting this month and his suspended sentence is up, another 12 months it is spent. His next battle will be to apply to the internet providers to remove the links to any articles. We haven’t moved or changed names so the risk is still there.

Life has changed, he lost a hell of a lot of friends but a small few have stuck by him. True friends who go for a pint or to the gym with him. He works hard at his job and keeps his head down. I’ve luckily not lost any friends, one is vocal about him but she gets put in her place, she tells me I’ve changed, I’m stronger. I go on holidays abroad with them, a cruise booked for next year with some and a city break planned with another. I meet up with them for meals, shopping and days out. I have some friends and neighbours who ask me how he is, that always catches me out as so few people do actually ask how he is. I have to check the emotion, tell them he’s fine. Which he is, we are. My new colleagues are kept at arms length, personal life glossed over, no real detail given.

OH had a blip last year, drunk and feeling sorry for himself on his birthday he messaged an old friend via facebook leaving the account activated. The responses were swift. No Happy Birthday messages for him, just you dirty f**king paedophile. I raged at him, had he not learnt anything? He needed to be happy with his lot now as there was no going back to the life he’d had before. The penny finally dropped.

The family isn’t what it was, some stay away from the house, contact is sketchy. That is on them, I’m all out of fight, my heart is still quietly failing and I want a peaceful life now. Make the most of whatever time I may have left before this disease takes its toll. I want to prove the doctors wrong but I’ve seen it take too many family members in their 50’s and 60’s and I have places to go, a bucket list to complete.

We still have our crazy cat.

Reading other blogs and tweets I realise we have been incredibly lucky and have come through this relatively unscathed. Without children of our own we don’t have SS in our lives now and probation have been fine with him. They were surprised that we live in a nice house, in a nice area, just a normal mid 40's couple with good jobs. This crime isn’t restricted to a certain type, it crosses all social demographics. We have had decent PPU’s so far, I think some may view us as an inconvenience, one used to laugh when I rang him about the stunts the nut jobs next door pulled. We just need to stay compliant to the rules of the SOR and SHPO, rules that as we all know are open to interpretation, can catch you out if you're not careful. Hopefully by year 5 he can apply for the SHPO to be discharged.

OH was lucky to secure a job with no DBS checks done, a small company who needed his skillset. We haven’t moved away and we haven’t changed our names, we are easily traceable. Some neighbours still stare at us in disgust, talk openly about me when they see me, slow down when they drive past. Others have never been any different with us. I will always be looking over my shoulder, scanning the crowd if I go in a pub or restaurant for faces that know. I still jump when I hear a car outside, an unexpected knock at the door. Only time will heal that.

I hold enormous respect for the officers that have to trawl through the devices searching for the very worst that humanity can inflict on its own vulnerable youngsters. I reserve my hatred for those that are inflicting it in those images, sorrow for the victims and pray that they get the help and support they so desperately need. My pity lies with those caught up in the addictions, mental health issues and stupidity that leads so many down this path. My indifference is for those who still stare and talk about us, yesterday’s news is tomorrows chip paper bitches. My pride is for those on this journey who are fighting for us, the secondary victims, making our voices heard.