People always have this saying that you’ll remember things like they were yesterday and i have come to the realisation that at times this is true.
5 years ago I was just on a normal car ride home from being with a friend not thinking that anything could happen to me one after the other, I had only just lost my ex partner 4 months prior I was already dealing with grief & loss not knowing I would deal with it again when I got home but for a completely different reason, but then I turned the corner and saw police at my door i thought the worst, had someone died? was there an accident and I wasn’t there for my family? many things running through my mind but never what it turned out to actually be.
My stepfather had been arrested but we had no knowledge what for, no information it was just as if police came and went without realising there was a broken, clueless family in front of them.
The thing is I didn’t even find out from the police themselves why it had happened, there was a live stream of my stepfather and that’s when it hit, i was listening to people talk and tell me what had happened but it sounded like jibberish, someone who had been my dad and stepped up as my dad had done this, but I then spoke to him over the phone after constantly calling the police for an update and all I could hear was a broken man and that’s when the journey began..
The different emotions, the hatred, confusion, the grief & loss of something so different and still having to deal with the grief and loss of my ex partner, I watched my family break in front of me and had to step up to be the mum and be strong for those around me.
I couldn’t hold this hatred for long after understanding the many stories behind why this had happened, I was so new to the understanding of porn addiction and how it could turn so dark, but right in front of me was the man who was my dad for so many years, who supported me through everything I went through and I wasn’t going to stop supporting him.
But it just got worse and worse, I was then accused of having a sexual relationship with him, I was questioned for over 2 hours and made to feel like the most disgusting, dirty person in the world, it was a constant cycle of just one terrible thing after the other - but I wasn’t going to give up on supporting him or my family and remaining strong.
We then got into a routine of having him back after so much fighting with those around, I watched him work his very best to change what happened and watched him become a better man for it, and then the bad luck striked again.
A normal milk run to then get a frantic call from him that the police were there I had never run so fast in my life to be welcomed by multiple police offers, once again a broken man and a frantic child as my younger sister was there at the time. As an older child I never wanted to be put in the position of having to put his shoes on for him because he wasn’t allowed to and the only thing I could ask the police was ‘can I give him a hug?’
I had to be the mum again, I had to be strong, I had keep my family going - after all the fighting, the keeping strong, the supporting one another, the sentencing came and that day was the longest day of all our lives I think, I had to answer the call as I didn’t want my mum to just in case it was the worst news, but then I heard his voice at the end of the phone and couldn’t help but cry.
A suspended sentence for 2 years, all bail conditions dropped and he was home a week later, but I still had that dread that it would happen again, it was always in the back of my mind but I had my dad back and continued to support him every step of the way and couldn’t be more proud of him and my family and that we could do this together!🤍
So I’m sharing my story because it’s something I’ve always been afraid to speak about but I’m hoping this can show others that you can speak up to and that others shouldn’t feel so alone, but also that I am strong because of my journeys!
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